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canadian millennials

Not Built for the Crowd - Looking Forward to What's Next

The song I connect with most now is from a teenage girl named Alessia Cara called “Here.” I watched her on an interview and she said the content of the song stems from a real life situation of being at a party and just wondering why she was there. I kind of feel the same way. For better or worse, I’ve been fortunate in my life to have endured many experiences at a young age - smoked my first joint at 12, went to my first club at 13, lost my virginity at 14, travelled to France at 16, had a child by 19. At 19 I also earned a full athletic scholarship to a division one university (Go Bonnies), which lead me on the path to becoming the writer I am today.

Boredom is Real

But now I find myself stuck in my own mind thinking to no one but myself how utterly bored I am with everything. I avoid any invitations from my friends to go anywhere (I'm infamous for saying maybe) unless it’s a new experience or unless I’m 100% sure I’ll enjoy it. I’ve been to the club twice in the last two years, and most places I go now usually has me venturing on my own in fear that any companionship would ruin the experience.

Influence Excites Me

I realized while I was standing in the bleachers at the annual OVO basketball finals, an event put on by Drake leading up to his now classic summer music festival, that I’m really not built to be in the crowd. I’m not built to spectate, to watch and cheer as others put on a show

Que my ego...

What excites me now, and really always has, is being part of the show. Bringing people together, stirring anticipation, being responsible for whispers and wild rumors that only get more outrageous with each broken text.

Through my writing I’ve been able to achieve some of the influence I crave. I’ve impacted lives, caused people to reflect, moved people to action in ways that I could never have guessed when I set out on this journey. I’m grateful for it all, but always find myself asking “what’s next.”

What is next?

And I don’t say this to suggest I’ve accomplished all that I want. Not even close. I just mean in those moments of adulation, disappointment, achievements, honours and awards; what is the next step and what will that feel like? Some days I feel like I’m already living what I want, other days I feel like a castaway relegated to my own island forced to create a world only I can see.

Call it my Millennial spirit, but in either case, I want more. More, more, more.

Oprah and Deepak say gratitude is one of the keys to ultimate success. But how do you balance being appreciative for what you have with this burning desire for what you want?

#PassionAndPaper

Get Thoughts of a Fractured Soul here.

 

 

 

I Saw a Girl Fall Today

Eight young runners in a staggered set holding their batons at the starting line, three of their teammates spread across the rest of the track pacing, anxious, waiting for their turn. The gun sounds and the race begins.

Alternating positions around the corners and down the straightaways, each young girl snatching her chance to run, run, run, only thinking of passing on that baton for the next step to victory.

Then the last runner cradles the baton in her hand and sprints to the finish line. She's racing to the ribbon with ribbons in her own hair.

Then she falls...

And rolls on the floor a couple times before looking up at the crowd with what must have been embarrassment, or anger, or maybe even fear. Concerned coaches and trainers come rushing out to her aid but before they can attend to her injuries she lifts herself to her feet and finishes the race.

Everyone claps and acknowledges what they have witnessed is a winner.

I think of a line I heard from a song on the radio: "I rather lose the fight than miss the war."*

I think of something I saw on TV a few mornings later. Hilary Duff is talking about moving out to Los Angeles at 10 years old and being rejected 200 times at auditions.

Two hundred times.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." **

I would love to be able to follow the young girl I saw fall today, five years from now, ten years from now. Nothing is guaranteed but her will is undeniable. What are you passionate enough about to pursue after getting told "NO" 200 times? What pushes you to get back up after everyone you know and love and care about has seen you fall?

For all the success I've had, I've been told no much more than I've been told yes. But I'm sure of who I am and what I do so those no's are milestones to be celebrated even if they sting. The more painful, the closer I am.

#PassionAndPaper

 

* Lyrics from My Inner Ninja by Classified.
**Mahatma Gandhi

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